Monday, January 24, 2011

Ken Was Always Such a Damn Ponce Anyway

My Barbie's were SO disgusted with Ken's metrosexual unmanly ass, they became lesbians and dated each other. Can you blame a bitch for this horror fest? It was just SEXUAL FRUSTRATION and the fact that Ken was always borrowing a bitch's underwear without asking.

I Think I Love Kevin Smith

We share the same brevity of language. Smith called the people who make movie trailers "lying fucking whores." I think he may be my mother's other son.

Link to article of Sundance film premiere fuckery:

I will DEFINITELY be seeing Red State.

A Message for the Republicans in Congress Who Are Trying to Overturn Obama's Health Care Reform






Friday, January 21, 2011

Shit SB Says to Her Golden Idol of Greatness and Beauty, Ms. Moon

I remember somebody saying something like "death should be dignified" and Kurt Vonnegut saying something like "really, what makes you think that?" That made me stop and think about how "undignified" it usually ACTUALLY is. So I stopped worrying about it. Fuck it. I'm very good at ignoring unpleasantness. Life is unpleasant, so I ignore A HELL OF A LOT.

A Bitch Was Out Sick with the Flu All Week

The bitch is back, but her ass will be playing catch up here at work today before I leave for a doctor's appointment this afternoon, so I'm back, but I'm not officially back, until next week.

Have a great weekend, motherhumpers!


Friday, January 14, 2011

Uhhhmmmm, Okay.

A Phone Conversation with the Ex While Sitting in My Damn Closet-Sized Cubicle

Are you taking your cell phone with you while you're in the Amazon?

Yes. I'm planning on it.

If so, would you get me some pictures of the pygmies?

Well you know they're not really pygmies. They're short, but I mean, they're not THAT short.

If there are any freakishly small ones, get a picture, would you? That shit fascinates me. You'll remember I used to get really creeped out by that freakishly short chick you worked with. That bitch was so tiny, she looked like a damn Barbie.

A Truism from SB

American ARE lazy. They DO take the path of least resistance. And also, we have the attention spans of fruit flies.

Why Your Dumb Ass Should Read David Foster Wallace

"But it has given me something to do with my time, and it’s also given me this sort of quixotic sense of purpose, this mission to Tell the People about David Foster Wallace—because the people, being a well-educated and discerning people, deserve to know."

Note from SB: I disagree, I think most people are dumb fucks, but the rest of the article was really really good.

Link to full article:

Yet More Fucking Shit SB Says

I love being around cats, too. Good company. I also like walking alone in graveyards. Same reason.

More Shit SB Says

I am too a humanist. I just don't like people very much. What's your point?

Shit SB Says

I'm really getting to be an old fart now. I actually drink coffee on the toilet.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

More Shit SB Says

You know, I really HATE it when one person declares that another human being is a freak in some aspect of their sexuality. That shit is inborn. Who is to say what is normal and what is not? I'm sure that some of the things that turn me on sexually would gross the fuck out of other people, so I figure, who am I to judge? Who are you to judge, motherfucker? That's what you need to ask yourself before you open your fat trap.

Shit SB Says

I could care less who he is fucking or whether the motherfucker is straight or gay. Sexuality is the LEAST interesting thing about a person. It's an inherent tendency. It is what it fucking is. End of story.

Shit SB Types to a Very Good Friend

I think men just don't need to be around us the way we feel we need to be around them. They need some independence. Usually the girl they stay with long-term is the one who has a life of her own. It's that perverse human tendency: we always want THE MOST to be around the people who really need us or want us THE LEAST. Supply and demand, baby.

I Guess Anybody with a Name Can Model. Bitch Is FUG.


She looks like a damn horse.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Everything Is Hunky Dory, SB Is Just Kind of Down and Out

I have been away from work for the past two days unexpectedly, so consequently I am snowed under at the paying job. I doubt I will be posting for awhile, and I won't be visiting blogs very often for awhile either. I just don't have the time. And to be honest, I currently don't have the inclination to post much. A bitch is uninspired. It's the winter slumps.

Thanks for reading my shit and for all your kind comments.

SB loves all you bitches.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Shit SB Overhears at Work

The former CEO was fat, and he was telling some people here at work what he actually weighed, and K. (the Vietnamese guy) said: You weigh more than my entire family!

[Note: The CEO is gone, but K. is still working here.]

Michael Jackson Fans Are Some Crazy, Rabid Motherfuckers (I know this includes me. I'm okay with it.)

SB was on (a.k.a. The Web site of Nirvana), looking for a good biography on Michael Jackson, and I was considering purchasing one of them, when I ran across this portion of a review (posted below). This shit cracked me up.

And what really pissed me off and made me throw this book in the trash was when i came to the section regarding his Bad album, which for a majority of human beings on this earth think is excellent. He depicts Bad as a failure, saying epic and masterpiece songs like "Dirty Diana" and "Liberian Girl" where complete downers and that these songs weren't memorable. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!! As soon as I read that i cursed this guy and threw the book across the room and jumped up and played "Dirty Diana" as loud as i could with the bass on blast and began laughing hysterically at this "fan and true friend's" assessment. This song is epic and still kicks my ass today!! then i played "Liberian Girl" and thought how beautiful this song is. Of course i wouldn't expect this white boy gossip columnist to understand the importance of this song and the beauty of a Liberian girl, a girl from Liberia, a land that was a nation of freed slaves, signifying Black Liberation during a time of slavery, to understand this beautiful song. the author goes on saying how Rollingstone Magazine awarded MJ worst artist of the year in all categories as if that gives his own assessments merit. BAD is a masterpiece and this author is a faker. i threw his book in the trash and skipped to "Man in the Mirror" one of the most beautiful songs ever off the "failure" album, Bad.

Uhmmmm, okay. Can you tell he REALLY feels strongly that this book sucks?

Shit SB Says to Her Blog Twin, West Hollywood Voyeur

I was watching This Is It last night, and it made me miss Mike. I could watch MJ dance for hours and hours. I think he was the best entertainer of my generation, hands down. Madonna can suck it.



I found this new site I dig called, Shit My Kids Ruined. Of course I was drawn to the site by the title alone, and also the Moms used to sigh and say, "You can't have anything nice when you have kids," after my brother or I had just knocked over one of her antique lamps or (in my case) stuck a knee through the leather bottom of her prized antique rocking chair.

This entry at the link posted below grossed me out totally. I have a thing about Barbies anyway (a hold over from childhood when my best friend, Beth, would dip her Barbie's hair in soda pop and then proceed to suck the soda off. My ass is still traumatized).

Hey, Boo, check this shit out!

Shit SB Says to the Guy in the Blue Silk Taffeta Dress

My attitude is: I'm a freak, you're a freak. Who gives a shit?

SB adores her friend, The Guy in the Blue Silk Taffeta Dress. He's amusing as hell, plus a great writer. Check his shit out here, motherfuckers:

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I think I'm living in the wrong damn country.

Squatter lives in 10 million pound mansion.

My Fat Ass Is Struggling

I'm struggling with a lot of new stuff here at work lately. Please excuse the post drought and the fact that I may not be able to visit all the blogs I would like to every day. This may continue for a little while.


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Shit SB Says to Her Beloved Idol of Greatness, Ms. Moon

When Lord-lovers like that lady [who said the Lord was helping her to recover from cancer] say shit like that, they don't realize they are implying that THE LORD does NOT evidently love the person who is unable to beat cancer. BULLSHIT. THE UNIVERSE IS RANDOM, unless you are a damn simpleton.

Naked Dick's Dumb Ass Is Force-Retired. The World Breathes a Sigh of Relief and Moves the Fuck on.

The Viking and I have taken to referring to Brett Favre as Naked Dick. Fucker should have stayed retired the first damn time. It sure might have saved his ass a lot of personal embarrassment. Dumb motherfucking Naked Dick.

Some sportscasters were discussing Naked Dick's forced retirement last night, and their fat, over-payed asses were saying how he would only be remembered in the end as one hell of a gifted football player. But despite what the dumb-ass broadcasters said, SB knows Brett will now always be remembered with a smirk. The dumb ass should have kept his damn ween in his pants. Stupid Naked Dick.

[NOTE: This is my opinion ONLY. I do not want to be sued by stupid Naked Dick. I also sure as hell don't want him sending me pictures of his damn junk. Why do men always think bitches want to see pictures of their junk?]

SB Is on a Garlic Baloney and American Cheese on Wonderbread Diet

My fat ass is on a diet. I found out over the holiday that I weigh more than the my stringbean boyfriend, the Viking. [Note to you bastards who read my crap: At first, the Moms and Daddums couldn't remember the Viking's Christian name, so they kept calling his scrawny 6'4" ass, Stringbean. It sort of stuck, much to his ire and dis-fucking-may.]

Anyhoo, when I was married to my ex, I dropped a shitload of weight after he found out how sky-high I had maxed out my personal charge accounts when I lost my job (yeah, it was a banner fucking year), so all our poor asses could afford was baloney and American cheese with Heinz Ketchup ONLY on white. Also, he was yelling at me a lot, and I was so upset, I dropped 40 cocksucking pounds, due to the fact that I couldn't stomach anything but a cheap beer and a daily baloney and cheese sandwich and a banana. I know this isn't a healthy lifestyle choice, but then neither is my regular diet, so FUCK YOU IN ADVANCE to all you damn naysayers. Kiss my fat fucking ass, that hopefully is about to be a whole lot thinner. Remember, it's not healthy to be a fat ass either. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP, ALL YOU WELL-INTENTIONED DO-GOODER ASSHOLES.

It was either the baloney and cheese diet or my idol John Daly (the golfers's) diet, which consists of all the Miller Lite you can drink and steak ONLY. I seriously contemplated it. And might I add, Mr. Daly lost a SHITLOAD of weight when he did the diet. It's a diet a bitch can live with.

I Just Like the Damn Picture, Okay?

Monday, January 3, 2011

The Bitch Is Back!

But her damn ass is snowed under with work, after being gone for a damn week. I'll return in a fuller capacity as soon as I am able.

Happy New Year, motherfuckers! I missed all you bitches.